Friday Five for 3/23/2012

Five signs you should walk away:

1. If someone tries to convince you by saying, "Who's gonna know?" - Walk away.

2. If someone tries to convince you by saying, "What's the worst that could happen?" - Walk away.

3. If the person you're with develops an uncontrollable compulsion to draw goat heads on the walls - Walk away.

4. If the waitress says, "No sorry, we don't have wine," then stops and says, "Wait ... I think we might actually have some back there ..." - Walk away.

5. Ladies - if your man doesn't respect you - Walk away.

Friday Five for 3/16/12

Five good TV shows you can stream on Netflix

1. Intelligence
2. Apparitions
3. Life on Mars (U.S.)
4. The IT Crowd
5. Black Books

Friday Five for 3/9/2012

Five things to do if you're not going to SXSW

1. Eat good food
2. Drink good wine
3. Flirt
4. Make love
5. Repeat

Being a pro

As an actor, I don’t have much patience for lazy or unprofessional behavior.

Yeah, I know. We’re supposed to be artist. We’re not supposed to sully ourselves in the miry swamp of business. Whatevs.

That’s why there are so many starving artists.

Yes - there is craft, and art, and creativity involved. Those things are basic. Craft is the foundation of our business. But it is a business. If Bill Gates had taken the same attitude towards his affairs that some actors and filmmakers take towards theirs, we’d still be using Lotus Notes.

Why the quasi-rant? I won’t go into the details. Suffice it to say that I witnessed some very lazy and unprofessional behavior yesterday that left me shaking my head.

You want some advice? Of course not. Nobody does. But I’m gonna give it to you anyway. I don’t care what business you’re in, be a professional. If you’re gonna do something, do it right. If you say you’ll be there, be there. If you make a commitment, keep it.

Nothing will limit you more than a bad reputation.

Friday Five for 3/2/2012

Five things I’ve learned in my kitchen.

1. If you tend to drop bits of food when you cook, get a dog. Unless you want someone to be condescending about it. Then get a cat.

2. The best Indian recipes begin with “Go to an Indian restaurant.”

3. Cooking alone is Zen. Cooking together is romantic.

4. A good Pinot Noir is the most versatile red wine. A bad Pinot Noir is just wrong.

5. The one ingredient that makes all food better is someone nice to share it with.

Why I Love Auditions

I don't understand actors who dislike auditions. I mean, they want to audition, they complain when they aren't auditioning, but when they do audition they hate it.

Why?

Auditions are an opportunity to work. Granted, you're only working for three minutes, but still. For those three minutes, the part is mine. For those three minutes, no one else gets to play that part but me. For those three minutes, I'm on camera, doing my thing.

What's so bad about that?

They say an actor will audition more than he will work. I disagree. Auditioning is working. I prepare just as strenuously for an audition as I do for a role I've actually booked.

Do I get every role I audition for? Well, yeah. For at least three minutes, anyway.

This Spice Aisle is Getting Spicy!

Sometimes, when I’m alone at the grocery store, women flirt with me. I’ve yet to figure out why. Today, while shopping for cardamom pods for a new recipe, I had this conversation with a lovely lady (LL) in the spice section:

LL: Cardamom is expensive, isn’t it? By the pound I mean?

Me: Yeah, but it’s worth it.

LL: Are you a chef or something?

Me: No, I’m an actor.

LL: Really! Have you been in anything I’ve seen?

Me: I don’t know. What have you seen?

LL: I can’t remember everything I’ve seen.

Me: Well, how about this – did you see Battlestar Galactica? The new one?

LL: No, sorry. I didn’t watch that.

Me: Then I was totally in it.

LL: Are you just playing with me?

Me: A bit.

LL: Seriously, what would I have seen you in?

Me: I don’t know, how much porn do you watch?

LL: Now I know you’re just playing with me.

Me: You’re very perceptive. Maybe you should be an actor.

LL: Do you have to be perceptive to be an actor?

Me: To be a good one, yeah.

LL: Are you a good one?

Me: You should watch Battlestar and find out.

LL: So you were in it?

Me: Did you see it?

LL: No, I told you.

Me: Then yes, I was in it. I had a huge role.

Pause …

LL: if you weren’t wearing that ring I’d take you home with me.

Me: What makes you think I’d let you?

LL: What makes you think I’d give you a choice?

Me: So you’re some kind of kidnapper?

LL: Maybe.

Me: What would you do with me?

LL: We’d watch Battlestar Galactica and if you weren’t in it I’d kick you out.

Me: Wouldn’t it be easier to not kidnap me in the first place?

LL: If you weren’t in it. Were you in it?

Me: You gonna kidnap me to find out?

LL: No, not today.

Me: Then yes. I was totally in it.